Relationships at Work: Is it a Good Idea to Romance a Co-Worker?

There are different types of relationships at work. Those between seniors and juniors, bosses and subordinates, and so on and so forth. And sometimes, managing these relationships can be a bit difficult. However, when you try to add romance to a professional relationship, it gets trickier. And I am speaking from personal experience.

Sure, it’s nice to have a significant other in your life. And to be honest, as young professional adults, we spend more time at work than anywhere else. So it makes sense that you might come across someone who takes an interest in you or vice versa. But dating a co-worker is not as easy as, say, dating someone you meet through an online dating app or so.

For one thing, when you are at work, you are an employee. And so is the other person in question. That means that the different hats you want to wear hangs on a delicate balance. So are relationships at work a good idea?

Well, as I said, I have personal experience of this subject. Both I and my former partner remained professional at work and I don’t regret the experience. But that said, it’s also something I am – and will be – steering clear of in the future. Not because I think all office romances are doomed to fail. In fact, I know people who have dated and married their co-workers. But it’s also a LOT of work. You have to be sure that your behaviour does not damage yourself, your significant other, your other co-workers, as well as the company’s image.

That said, this is just my personal stance. If you meet your significant other at work, then give it a try. But be sure to pay attention to the dos and don’ts.

The pros and cons of romantic relationships at work

While people do date their co-workers sometimes, dating at work still has all the signs of a taboo. There’s a lot of what-ifs involved. Plus, if the relationship goes drastically wrong, it might even risk your job. On the other hand, office romances make for a pretty popular trope in the media content we consume. So that kind of glamourisation is also there as well.

One reason why people choose to date a co-worker is that they often share similar interests and know the same people. This puts them on the same playing field and gives them common grounds to build something more. For instance, if you are a website developer, another website developer already knows the challenges, innovations and flows of your job. You do not have to explain the basics to your significant other. In addition, as I mentioned earlier, we spend a lot of time at work. So it’s natural that we often meet new people at work, so co-workers do enter the dating pool.

On the other hand, shared interests and social circles can create a sameness that can be uninteresting after a while. If you spend eight hours a day immersed in the ins-and-out of web development, would you really want to talk about it more after you leave the office? And of course, if romantic relationships at work do not work out, it can be awkward for everyone involved.

Is it something that can land you in trouble?

Some companies do have strict rules about office romances. Your company’s HR policies may require you to self-report any romantic relationships at work. But of course, not many people do this, instead of keeping the relationship quiet. This is not problematic if you don’t work with your significant other directly during working hours. If you both work at the same company but are in different departments, then HR might be willing to give you a free pass. Even then, it is better to be upfront and transparent from the beginning. Otherwise, if your colleagues discover that you are dating a co-worker, their good opinion of you might end up taking a hit.

But what may look innocent to you CAN have potential consequences, especially if you start a relationship with your subordinate or vice versa. Sure, dating someone on your own level does not necessarily cause concern. But if you are dating a superior or subordinate at work, then it becomes serious. It might be consensual on both your parts, but to everyone else, it will look inappropriate at best. Or they may question whether there is an abuse of power going on.

How to approach an office romance

If you find yourself mutually attracted to a co-worker, you need to take office politics into account as well. In order to avoid any potential drama, you will have to have a lot of rules when you are dating a co-worker. These suggestions just might help your office romance and save your professional image at the same time.

Think before you jump

My former workplace did not frown upon office romance between coleagues, which was lucky for me. But even then, I spent a fair bit of time weighing the pros and cons of dating my co-worker. And while the relationship did not work out, it also did not impact either of our careers negatively, so I’d say all that thinking did help in the end.

Before you agree to a date, find out your company’s stance on office romances. You might be confident in your ability to date in secret, but the consequences of being found out are just not worth it. Even if there aren’t any formal policy, your colleagues may frown upon the relationship. Which brings us to the next point.

Keep any romantic relationships at work discreet

Here’s the thing. When you share a social circle with your significant other, everyone else is going to have an opinion about your relationship. And when there’s a couple at work, the scrutiny can be huge. It may all be innocent fun and games when your colleagues tease both of you. But that can also create a negative image of yourself and your partner. For instance, during a break, it wouldn’t matter if people are watching videos or playing games on their phone or whatever. If the two of you are being even the slightest bit flirty, the attention would be on you.

That’s is why you should be careful of how much you chose to share with your co-workers. People might be ok with your relationship, but that doesn’t mean they want to or need to know every single detail of your romantic life. Keep in mind that these people also have to work with your significant other. And if the relationship does not work out, an innocent bystander might get dragged into the drama.

Don’t hide it. Being honest and upfront is better than trying to keep it a secret. But don’t share too much either. Being discrete is better than oversharing.

Avoid relationship with power dynamics

If you are attracted to someone in your chain of command – whether it is your boss, someone you report to or a subordinate – stay away from pursuing that relationship. The perception of a boss dating a subordinate or vice versa is more negative than two co-workers on the same level dating each other. No matter how professional you are at work, there is always going to be a conflict of interest.

How objective can you be when it comes to judging the productivity of someone you are dating at work, for instance? Also, your actions might mak others think that you are showing favouritism. In which case, it can affect your integrity and create distrust.

That said, you can’t control who you are attracted to. If you do find yourself in this position, you might have to transfer to another team and work with a boss who will be impartial or assign your significant other to report to someone else. If you ARE in a position where you have more authority, make it clear to the other person that they can turn you down without worrying about repercussions.

Stay professional even if things don’t work out

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, relationships just do not work out. If the breakup is mutual, then it’s all good. But if, for whatever reason, you had a dramatic breakup, your feelings won’t be as clean cut. However, even if your office relationship comes to an end, you don’t have the luxury of being upset. You are still at work. Which means you still have to remain professional.

Don’t let your resentment, sadness and anger get in the way of your work. Your drama cannot affect your productivity nor the people around you.